


Justin's Cliff

by fhsa_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-04-10
Updated: 2006-04-10
Packaged: 2019-02-05 14:44:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12796665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fhsa_archivist/pseuds/fhsa_archivist
Summary: None





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Justin stared at the closed loft door, his body shaking, ears still ringing with the sounds of shattering glass. He had done it. Now he just had to live with the consequences.

 

Two weeks earlier...

 

At first, Justin had thought Brian was fine. Having taken the loss of his job better than Justin could ever have imagined. Brian had not shut Justin completely out, having shared with him the number of zero's on his credit card statements nor had he retreated into Brian Kinney pain management mode, but he also had not shared the news that Vance had called and asked Brian to meet with him. It was not until after breakfast at the diner, when Debbie had been handing out the checks and had bypassed giving Brian his that he had found out about the meeting. Brian had jumped up and grabbed everyone's check, despite Ben, Mel's, and Lindsey's objections. Then he had announced the meeting with Vance and how he planned to be gracious as long as possible before sticking it to his former boss.

 

Justin said nothing, only agreed with everyone else that it was great news and watched, worriedly, as Brian left. That evening, Justin had pulled back the loft door only to discover his mom was there and speaking with Brian. He caught bits of their conversation, Brian's question, "How much," and her reply, "I'll let you know."

 

"Mom," Justin called out as he set his satchel down on the counter. He ignored the uneasy glance Brian shot him, and accepted the kiss on the cheek and the "Hi honey," from his mom. "What's going on?" he asked, moving to Brian's side.

 

Brian did not answer, nor did Jennifer. She just glanced quickly at Justin before moving to the door. Brian waited until Jennifer left before turning to look briefly at Justin. "I'm selling the loft," he announced, before moving to the bar.

 

"What?" Justin asked stunned. He grabbed Brian's arm, turning the taller man around to face him. "You can't sell your home," he said, pleading in his tone.

 

Brian seemed indifferent as he looked about his loft. "It's just four walls," he murmured before moving to the liquor cart. Justin heard Brian's snort of disgust at finding the bottle of Beam empty, he moved once more to face the older man.

 

Looking up into Brian's blank hazel eyes, he tried to convey what this place meant to him, to them. "It's not just walls. It's where we made love for the first time," Justin whispered.

 

Brian laughed harshly before moving out of Justin's reach. "That wasn't love. I just gave you a rim job and fucked your brains out." Brian moved to the old ratty sofa Justin had gotten at a second-hand shop. He sat down, empty bottle still in hand.

 

Justin knelt down in front of Brian. Placing both his hands on Brian's jean covered legs; he looked up him, letting him see the emotion in his eyes. "It was love to me," he simply said.

 

Brian smirked at him and then waved the empty bottle in his face. "Well we both know you are a starry-eyed little school boy," then rising, he pushed past Justin and left, with a cryptic, "I'm going out."

 

Justin knelt there, on his knees, for a good five minutes staring at the loft door. He had not expected any return declarations. He knew better than that, but neither had he expected that brush off. Brian would usually just give him that tongue-in-cheek smirk, at least since they had gotten back together. The after fiddler time he called it. The harsh brush-off with sarcastic comments had stopped. He had almost allowed Justin's "sappy" comments at least verbally, but never returning them.

 

Justin got up and took Brian's empty seat, staring out the windows. He had wanted to ask about the meeting with Vance, but now he did not need to. If Brian had gotten what he wanted out of his former boss, he would have crowed about it. True, it would have been Kinney-fashion crowing, but you'd have known. Now he knew not to ask. Brian's actions saying stay away just as if he had shouted the words. Justin almost wished he had a shift to work at the diner.

 

Justin rubbed his hands over his face, and with a sigh, got up. He didn't know when Brian would return, but they needed some dinner, even if Brian's was heated up hours after dinner time. The contents of the freezer yielded little. Forgetting that idea, Justin pulled out the take-out menus. Placing their order, he counted out enough money from his tip stash and laid it on the counter. He hated having to search for money or his check book while a delivery guy stood there waiting.

 

Before Justin even moved away from the counter, the loft door was opening. He couldn't hide his surprise at Brian's appearance. He had been sure that Brian was already in the backroom getting his dick sucked.

 

Brian smirked at his shock. "What?" he asked, shaking the brown paper bag he carried. "I had to go buy more Beam," he said sitting the bottle down to remove his jacket which he flung across the counter before grabbing the bottle again and moving to the couch.

 

Justin stared at the back of Brian's auburn head. "I ordered food," he said, watching as the other man opened the bottle of Beam and drank from it without a glass.

 

"Not hungry," Brian mumbled, killing the shot in his glass before refilling it.

 

Justin moved to the couch and sat next to Brian. Reaching up, he smoothed Brian's bangs back off his forehead. "You have to eat Brian," he said, a small smile stealing across his lips when Brian turned to glance at him. He said nothing though, only rolled his eyes at Justin, and Justin laughed.

 

They finished dinner with Brian saying nothing about his meeting with Vance and Justin did not ask. In bed that night, Brian's touch had almost a desperate edge to it, as if he could not lose himself enough in taste, touch, or pleasure. The next morning Brian was up and dressed before Justin awoke. He seemed almost manic, talking about the calls he had to make, appointments he wanted to set-up, places he had to go and people he had to see.

 

Justin watched him bleary-eyed, finally getting out a "What?"

 

And just before Brian sailed out the door, he turned to Justin, face blank. "Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm starting my own agency." Then he left.

 

Justin did not see much of Brian over the next couple of days. Brian was up each morning before him and leaving out the door as Justin stumbled to the kitchen. Each night, Brian was out late, wining and dining, only to fall into the bed too exhausted to do more than grunt at Justin. So he was shocked when he opened the door to the loft one afternoon in between his shift at the diner and classes only to find Brian home, dressed in sweats, and seated on the couch.

 

"Hey," Justin called out. "What's going on?" he threw down his bag and moved to the couch, rounding the back to look at Brian.

 

"Nothing," was all Brian said, eyes trained on the glass he was rolling between his hands. Finally, after a moment of silence when Justin said nothing else, only looked him, Brian looked up. "Why?" he asked, face blank, eyes slightly bloodshot.

 

Justin just shrugged, unsure what mood Brian was in. "Just surprised to see you here. That's all," he said.

 

Brian crooked a brow. "Why? I do live here," he shot back, and Justin tensed, hearing the fight behind that tone.

 

He moved away, turning and went to the bedroom, calling back over his shoulder. "I don't want to fight with you Bri. I just thought you had smoozing and such to do." Justin pulled the jeans and sweater he wanted form the closet and begin changing.

 

He ignored Brian as he stumbled up the steps into the bedroom. The older man had obviously been drinking for a while. Brian came up behind him and leaning down, kissed the side of Justin's neck, and Justin leaned his head to the side granting access and accepting the silent apology. But Brian did nothing more, only moved past Justin to the bathroom while Justin turned to watch him go.

 

"You going to Woody's tonight?" he asked, shouting over the sound of the shower cutting on. "Bri?" he called, when there was no answer. Not hearing anything, Justin went into the bathroom. He addressed Brian's steamed and water-blurred image. "Brian? Didn't you hear me?" he demanded. Not getting any response this time either, he knocked on the glass, noticing that Brian flinched at the noise.

 

Brian stared at him for a moment, almost as if he didn't even recognize Justin. Finally, he seemed to shake his head. "What?" he asked.

 

Justin frowned. "Are you going out with the guys tonight," he repeated. Brian seemed to think about it for a second before he shook his head no. Getting the hint, Justin left him alone.

 

That night they ate dinner, or Justin did. Brian just picked at his food, moving it around on the plate, eyes lowered being sulky and silent. Justin tried to get him to open up, asking about his clients and when they were coming on board, but all he got was a snarled comment. "They're not." Words that did not invite further inquiry.

 

At first, Justin thought Brian would sulk for a while and then bounce right back. But after a while, he noticed a pattern. Brian would barely leave the loft. He did not go to Woody's or Babylon, and when Michael or the guys called, he put them off. Telling them that he had a job interview early or that he was going to see a man about a job. But Justin knew he wasn't. Brian would sit in front of the windows, drinking. Every time Justin came into the loft, that's the position he found Brian in. Justin could only get Brian to eat very little, and he knew he wasn't eating when Justin left each morning for class or work. Brian also wasn't sleeping. They'd go to bed together, fuck, though not as often as before. Then Justin would fall asleep holding Brian only to wake hours later to cold sheets, alone. Brian would be back in front of the windows, familiar bottle in hand.

 

Justin tried to get Brian to open up, to talk to him, but Brian either ignored him or snarled a response, daring Justin to push. Justin had no idea how to help Brian. He could have found a way as he had in the past, if Brian were using his past pain management techniques. But he was at wits end with this Brian. He had retreated inside himself, displaying none of the personality traits of the Brian Kinney he knew and loved. He seemed fragile now, the loss of that arrogant confidence he wore leaving him raw and exposed. Justin could see it on Brian's face; he doubted himself, something the old Brian would have never done.

 

The other night, Justin had been awakened by Brian thrashing about and talking in his sleep. Justin had tried to wake him, but Brian continued, mumbling about being a family man and never amounting to nothing. Finally, Justin had shaken him hard enough and Brian had awakened, disoriented, and refusing to talk to Justin. As far as Justin could tell, that was the last night Brian had spent in the bed. Justin would catch him dozing at odd hours on the couch. As the days went by, Brian retreated further and further inside himself. Justin could do nothing but watch and die inside a little bit each day while Brian slowly lost himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Justin sidestepped quickly to avoid the two adolescent boys who spilled out of the comic shop, almost running him over. Comics clutched tightly in their hands, the boys were excitedly discussing, not even noticing Justin. He shook his head and let himself in the store, nodding his head at Michael who was busy with customers. Moving to the small office at the back of the store, Justin removed the story boards from his satchel. Leaving it, he moved back to the front and waited at the counter for Michael to finish.

 

"Hey Boy Wonder," Michael said, looking up and taking the story boards laid out on the counter.

 

Justin said nothing as Michael looked over the boards. They had already laid the full story out; these were for promotional materials only, not the actual comic. Sales were exceeding everyone's expectations; Rage was turning into a very profitable venture for them both. But thoughts of those profits brought a frown to Justin's face. He had argued with Brian for hours trying to understand why the older man would not let him help with some of Brian's debt. They were partners he had argued, but Brian had replied he didn't need any help, from anyone!

 

Justin blinked and realized that Michael had been calling his name. "I'm sorry," he said. "A lot on my mind," he offered.

 

"What's up?" Michael asked. "Is it Brian?" he demanded, his tone already sending Justin's hackles up. But he had to admit, to himself at least, this time, he could use some help figuring Brian out.

 

But before he could speak, they were interrupted. Justin gritted his teeth. Five minutes passed, then ten, all the while he had to stand there and listen to them drum on and on. And the topic! Instead of showing any interest in what was going on with Brian, Michael was standing there arguing who would win in a battle between the Cat Women and Wonder Women! Justin shook his head and quietly slipped out the door.

 

Justin did not know who to turn to next. He had spoken with Lindsey and Mel, explaining the truth behind the Concerned Citizens for Truth ad and while they were upset over Brian's situation, Lindsey also made it clear that she knew Brian, and he would never accept help. That had been the end of it, according to them, and Mel had dragged Lindsey off to buy shoes. Justin had just stood there, staring after them in shock. What the hell was wrong with Brian's so called friends?

 

*********

 

Justin juggled groceries, his satchel, and the mail, as he tried to slide open the heavy loft door. He glanced at the back of Brian's head. He was seated again on the sofa, parked in front of the windows. He made no sign that he had even heard Justin enter.

 

"Brian?" he called out, sitting the bags down on the counter.

 

Brian turned his head slowly and blinked at Justin. "Hey," was all he said before turning back to the windows.

 

Justin abandoned the groceries and moved to sit next to Brian. "I was thinking," he said, ignoring the fact that Brian had not even acknowledged his presence.

 

"How about we meet the guys at Woody's tonight?" Justin almost flinched at the blank-eyed stare Brian turned on him.

 

Justin waited for Brian's answer. Reaching up, he pushed back Brian's bangs, carefully noting that he needed a hair cut. But the silence was making Justin nervous. He nudged Brian in the side gently with his elbow and smiled when the man turned to look at him again. "So you want to go?" he asked again.

 

"Go where?" Brian asked. He rose off the sofa and went into the kitchen. Justin heard the fridge open, then the sound of the bottle cap hitting the counter, before Brian returned with a full beer in hand.

 

"Woody's," Justin said, unable to keep the frustration out of his voice.

 

Brian looked at him like he was an idiot. "Justin," he said, as if explaining things to a child. "I do not have the money to go out," Brian stressed each word carefully, and then he turned back to his view, ignoring Justin once more.

 

*********

 

Justin went to Woody's. Anything was better than sitting there watching Brian zone out, only moving to restock his drink. Justin sat at the bar, nursing his drink, absently running his fingers around the glasses edge. He could try talking to his mom, but immediately Justin nixed that idea. Justin's mom tolerated Brian at the best of times. All he needed was to give her something else to confirm that the older man was not right for her son. He could go to Vic, but the older man had just moved in with Rodney, and had enough on his plate trying to placate Debbie.

 

"Hey baby, what are you doing here drinking by your lonesome?" Justin turned and smiled as Emmett sat beside him. "Where is his queenship?" Emmett asked, and Justin snorted. Emmett was always coming up with new names for Brian, usually only sticking with the ones that drew a comment from the man himself.

 

"Brian's at home Em. He didn't want to come out tonight." Justin answered, picking up his drink and finally finishing it off.

 

"Hum," Em said. "He hasn't wanted to do much of anything lately, has he?" he asked, signaling the bartender.

 

Justin accepted the drink with a smile and picking it up, gestured to Emmett to follow him to a table. If he was going to be discussing Brian, he wanted more privacy than what could be had sitting at the bar where every gossip hungry queen's ears automatically perked up at the mention of the name Brian Kinney. Justin waited until Emmett had settled himself.

 

"I can't get him out of the loft, Em," Justin said, the worry leaking through.

 

Emmett laid a hand on Justin's arm. "You sound really worried baby. What else is going on?" He had not seen Justin like this, well, not since right after the bashing.

 

Justin almost hugged Emmett! Finally, someone wanted to listen. "He has been depressed, Em, and before you say, Brian Kinney doesn't get depressed, he does, and he is!" Justin said angrily.

 

Emmett did give the boy a hug. "Calm down baby. I believe you," he said, and watched concerned when Justin blinked back tears.

 

Justin took a deep breath. "He doesn't leave the loft. He hardly eats or sleeps. The only thing he does is sit in front of the windows and drink. When he does sleep, he mumbles and tosses and turns until he wakes himself up." Justin stopped, taking a gulp of his drink, he went on. "He says he has interviews and clients lined up everyday, but Em, I know that's not true!" Justin lowered his head. He was kind of lightheaded. The relief he felt at finally getting this out in the open and off his chest leaving him dizzy.

 

Emmett frowned. "That doesn't sound like his royal badness. Have you talked to Michael?" Em asked.

 

Justin sighed. "I've tried to talk to him, but every time I get ready to tell him about Brian, we get interrupted or he has to go. I even talked to Lindsey and Mel, but they said Brian wouldn't accept our help, no matter how bad a shape he was in. I don't know what else to do Em. It's like he's given up," Justin whispered. He didn't think Emmett could help either, but it did do him some good to talk about it.

 

"What are you going to do?" Emmett asked, eyeing Justin worriedly. The boy had an almost desperate look upon his face.

 

Justin tried to smile at Emmett, but it came out more a grimace. "I don't know yet. But I have got to do something. It's my fault he lost his job and had to risk everything." That said, Justin finished his drink and with one squeeze to Emmett's shoulder, he left.


	3. Chapter 3

Justin pushed back, answering Brian’s thrust and groan with a harsh moan of his own. He felt the older man’s hands tighten on his hips and Brian’s thrust had his cock hitting Justin’s prostrate each push forward. Justin cried out as Brian’s hand slid around his hip and began fisting his cock, he was so close! One more thrust and Justin came, his cum drenching the sheets under him. He heard Brian’s grunt and felt the hand holding him clench, then he fell heavily atop Justin, pinning him to the bed.

 

Justin lay there a moment, fighting to catch his breath which wasn’t made any easier by Brian’s body laying on him. “Brian,” he grunted, wiggling a little under the weight, but the other man just groaned and made no effort to roll off Justin.

 

Justin elbowed the body above him. “Brian!” he said louder, now seriously trying to squirm out from under him. But Brian did not move or say a word. Justin finally heaved his body to the side, forcing Brian’s off him and rolling the man onto his back. Justin sat up and gave the passed-out man a disgusted look. He took the full condom off Brian’s now flaccid dick and got rid of it. Justin got up and lifting Brian under the shoulders was able to get the older man straightened out on the bed, covering him, he knelt down beside the bed.

 

God, he was so beautiful! Even passed out, day’s growth of beard, Brian was breathtaking. Justin loved watching Brian sleep; it was the only time the older man really let his walls down. Justin frowned, at the best of times, Brian was no snuggler, but never had he just passed out on Justin, no after sex kiss, or remark about the amazing blow job or fuck. And Justin knew that Brian had not left the loft again. Finally, with a heavy sigh, Justin rose and went to shower, alone.

 

*********

 

Justin moaned and buried his head deeper into the pillow. But the voices still intruded. He rolled over; blinking at the bright sun light that flooded the loft. He couldn’t make out who was talking to Brian, but it was a female voice. Reluctantly, he left the nice comfy bed and pulled on a pair of sweats. Even though technically he didn’t live with Brian, the drawer that had been his since the first time he had been allowed to stay, still had several items of his clothing available; and Brian still sent the dirties out with his own for cleaning.

 

Justin grunted a greeting at Brian who was seated at the counter, newspaper open with coffee cup close at hand. But it was the visitor that brought the most surprise; it was Cynthia, Brian’s former assistant. “Hi, Cynthia,” he called as he got a cup down and went straight to the coffee, stifling the huge yawn behind a polite hand.

 

“Hi, Justin,” Cynthia said, smiling. But then her attention immediately returned to Brian. “Why not?” she demanded, on what must have been an old argument that Justin had interrupted with his entrance.

 

Brian threw down the paper and went to refill his cup, ignoring Justin’s interested stare. “Cynthia, I told you. Vance is perfectly within his rights to use those boards. Hell, they’re his now, doesn’t matter who created the pitch, it belongs to Vanguard.” Brian ignored the mentioned boards that Cynthia had spread out on the counter and returned to his seat.

 

Cynthia frowned at the back of Brian’s head, but she was silent for a moment as she studied her former boss. Finally, she came to stand next to him, demanding his attention. “Vance is going to present the campaign to Remsen tomorrow, using your ideas and you are telling me that you don’t care?” She sounded frustrated, and Justin wondered how long she had been here arguing with Brian.

 

Justin saw a flash of something in Brian’s eyes before he got up and headed towards the bedroom, tossing over his shoulder. “No I don’t, Cynthia. Vance can shove the boards up his ass for all I care.” That said he disappeared behind the glass panels.

 

Cynthia tossed Justin a frustrated look and all the blond could do was shrug his shoulders. He had no clue what was up with Brian that was the problem. This type of defeated atitude was from left field and never would Justin have thought Brian would succumb to anything remotely resembling failure. Cynthia gave one last look at the bedroom before gathering the boards and leaving, softly telling Justin goodbye. Justin watched her go before heading to the bedroom. He heard the shower running and sat on the bed to wait for Brian to come out. Lately there had not been many invitations for joint showers and he wasn’t sure of his welcome now either.

 

Brian shot him an unreadable look as he came out, a towel wrapped around his waist. Justin waited until the older man had pulled jeans on before speaking. “So you really don’t care that Vance uses your ideas and hard work to land the account?” he asked, disbelief in his tone.

 

Brian tossed the wet towel on the bed and pulled a t-shirt over his head. “No Justin, I don’t,” he looked back at Justin, eyes filled with warning. “Now, drop it,” he ordered.

 

But Justin didn’t. He followed as Brian went back to the kitchen and refilled his coffee. “But Brian-,” he started to say.

 

Justin watched stunned as Brian’s coffee cup went sailing past his head to crash, coffee flying everywhere including on the wall. He swung his gaze back to Brian in disbelief. He knew his eyes were large and frightened, but that cup had come awful close to him! Brian looked back at him, eyes cold and angry. “Don’t you have somewhere to be? “Somewhere not here?” he demanded.

 

Justin nodded and swallowed. He stepped carefully around the mess and went to dress. Gathering up his satchel and phone, Justin walked past Brian to the door. Neither man said a word. Justin stepped out and closed the loft door behind him. It wasn’t until he was out on the sidewalk that Justin allowed the shaking to show. He had seen Brian angry, plenty of times, but this was only the second time that he had ever been afraid of the older man; the first being when the loft was robbed. Justin looked in both directions. He had planned on spending the day with Brian, his shift at the diner wasn’t until 7 and he had no classes; just some projects that weren’t due yet. Finally, mind made up, Justin headed to the bus stop. Breakfast was what he should do.

 

Thankfully, this time of the day during the work week meant that he wouldn’t run into any of the gang, and Debbie was working the late afternoon shift, so Justin was able to sit alone and brood. There was no one left to talk to or even to turn to, and he had not been able to think of a single idea that could help Brian. Hell, he had even been planning on calling Cynthia for advice, but after this morning that was no longer an option. Justin ordered, but when his food arrived he just pushed it around his plate, playing with it instead of eating. He wished Vic were still alive, he would have known how to get Brian out of this funk. Justin laid a tip on the table and pushed his plate away. He decided he might as well head back to Daphne’s, he could start on some of his projects, but he doubted he would get much done.

 

*********

 

Hours later, and not a single thing accomplished except more worrying, it was time for work. Thankfully, the diner stayed busy enough to ward off any questions or comments by Debbie, and by the end of his shift, Justin had decided the only thing left he could do was confront Brian. That explained his churning stomach and sweaty palms, Justin thought as he left the diner.

 

He stood outside the loft door, staring at it; he just couldn’t make himself open it and go inside. Justin wasn’t entirely sure what he would find. Finally, after a deep breath and a straightening of his shoulders, he slid the heavy door open. The loft was ablaze with lights and trashed! He looked around in shock. The only other time he could remember seeing it this bad was the first night when Brian had picked him up and brought him back. The older man had overturned furniture and knocked lamps askew with his juggling attempts. “Brian?” he called out, his voice wobbling with worry.

 

Justin couldn’t stop his little scream when Brian popped around the corner that separated the kitchen. “Sunshine!” Brian called out; arms outstretched one hand clutching a mostly empty bottle of Beam. “W-what are you still hanging around here? Just like my old man,” he mumbled. “Useless, never amount to something.” Brian giggled at his own words and stumbled away from Justin, and Justin closed his mouth and the loft door, following after the weaving man.

 

He flinched as Brian crashed into one of the loft’s support beams, and quickly hurried forward, wrapping an arm of support about Brian’s waist. “Jesus, Brian! How much have you had to drink?” he asked as he guided and half carried the drunken man to the bed.

 

Brian didn’t answer, just leaned heavily on Justin’s smaller frame. The trip up the stairs was the scariest part; Justin had thought for sure Brian was going to send them both to the floor before he got the brunette flat on the bed. Brian’s eyes were already closing as Justin wrestled him out of his jeans and shirt. The older man passed out even as Justin was covering him up and slipping silently from the room. Justin stood in the center of the loft surveying the damage. Justin gave a bitter laugh, Brian’s slurred words ringing through his head. Thankfully, the loft no longer had much in the way of furnishings, so the damage was minimal. This couldn’t go on, Brian was going to hurt himself is something didn’t give. Brian’s question, why are you still here, kept repeating itself in his head. Would his absence make any difference? Because Justin knew his presence sure wasn’t.


	4. Chapter 4

Justin lay awake. The silence of the apartment wrapped around him but his mind would not rest. After he poured Brian into his bed, he had come back to his and Daphne’s, trying to think of something, anything, to stop Brian’s rapid decline. He couldn’t just wait around and watch as he self-imploded. Justin knew he had to come up with something.

 

Reasoning with Brian wasn’t going to work. The man denied that there was even a problem. None of his “friends” showed much worry, so Justin knew he couldn’t count on them. Appealing to emotion, Ha! Justin could just imagine Brian rolling on the floor laughing at him, and that was before he kicked his ass out of the loft! No, this required a plan, a plan worthy of a Great Kinney Master plan. Justin shook his head at his own melodrama. But losing his job had hit Brian to hard; reminding him of his father’s drunken ramblings that Brian would never amount to anything. Failure was not a Brian Kinney trait. That was what was stumping Justin so hard. Brian never gave up, at least until now.

 

Justin knew he’d never convince Brian to allow him to help. The older man accepted help from none, and forget pity, it made his dick soft. Oh, he helped his friends out, bailing them out time and time again. But he used his wealth to do that. He saved Mel and Lindsey’s wedding, footing the entire bill himself. He showered Gus with gifts, but was uncomfortable being alone with his son. Justin had realized a long time ago that Brian showed he cared, that he loved, through his money. For some insane reason that he had never figured out, the older man thought that was all he had to offer; that if he were broke, no one would care. And look where he was now. No wonder Brian was avoiding everyone. This firing had hit him right in his ego, and the older man’s very self-worth had been damaged.

 

Justin frowned and shifted to his side on the futon. A terrible idea formed in his mind, but the effects! Justin clenched his eyes tightly closed and tried to banish that thought, but the idea kept swirling and swirling around his brain. He could do it. Hell, Michael had already accused him once of using Brian for his money. But the fall-out would be massive. The whole family would hate Justin, none of them would see the big picture, the why’s. He’d have to distance himself, cut all ties with everyone. Could he do that, for Brian?

 

His mind spun with the possibilities, what he would have to accomplish and what he would have to give up. Could he be convincing? This would require careful planning, but if it worked, it would push Brian back on track; give him the fire he needed to fight back, to retake his life. Justin would be giving up a major part of his, his heart. Could he stand to be hated, cause that’s what the outcome would be if he did this. Debbie would be the obstacle to overcome. Everyone else would let him fade away, but not the red-head waitress. She would demand answers and his presence; long after he would be accepted. Justin felt tears sting his eyes. This would mean giving up Brian, doing something that he could never be forgiven for. He would lose the older man, but Justin had wracked his brain, there was nothing else to be done, but this…

 

*********

 

The diner was busy when he strolled in, the hour just a little after noon. Justin had cut his afternoon classes. His mind made up, he had to act fast before he lost his nerve. He took one of the last spots at the counter and waited for Debbie to notice him.

 

“Hey, Sunshine!” was the greeting, and he summoned up a half smile for her. Justin could tell she knew right away that something was wrong. That’s what he wanted her to think.

 

“Hi Deb,” he called, as she rushed by him, arms full.

 

“You just keep that bubble-butt parked until I have a sec,” Debbie ordered. Justin had no plans on moving, this was a step he had to take, for Brian.

 

A half hour had passed; he had long finished his coke before she could interrogate him properly. Debbie sat next to him, still breathing heavy. “What’s up, kiddo?” she asked, eyeing him with that look that said she already knew it had something to do with Brian. She always knew.

 

“What’s he done now?” she demanded, barely stopping herself from the eye-roll that usually accompanied that statement.

 

“Nothing Deb,” Justin said, shaking his head at her. “This time it’s me,” he said simply, letting the silence build for a moment while he worked up his courage. He looked down, unable to meet her gaze as he prepared to lie to her. “I am going to break up with him,” he said, waiting for the explosion.

 

But none came, and in wonder he looked up into her compassionate eyes. “If that’s what you need to do kiddo. I’m sure you have your reasons.”

 

Justin couldn’t stop his mouth from hanging open. He had expected yelling and cries of “what had the asshole done to him now!” Justin lowered his gaze once again, preparing for the second part of his announcement. “I might not be around much for a while.” He started to explain, but she cut him off.

 

Debbie rose and patted him on the arm. “You do what you need to do, Sunshine. But you’re still apart of this family, as fucked up as it is. We’ll work something out,” and with that, she left Justin sitting there, stunned at how easy it had been. Now if only the second step were this painless.

 

*********

 

He waited until early evening, the normal time he would be strolling in the loft door. Brian sat right where Justin expected him to be, on the couch. But the older man wasn’t staring aimlessly out the windows; he appeared to be looking through some papers. Justin did see the ever-present bottle of Beam on the table. Justin took a deep breath and not saying a word, went to the closet and pulled a duffle bag from it. He packed silently and carefully, wandering how long it would take Brian to notice.

 

He carried the bag out of the bedroom and started gathering his art supplies, cd’s, and books that always seemed to be scattered about. He felt Brian’s gaze long before he looked up to acknowledge it. Brian’s hazel eyes were clear today, and he wore a frown as his gaze went from the bag to Justin, back to the duffle bag. “What are you doing?” he asked.

 

Justin knew how he had to play this. He couldn’t come off angry; he had to keep his cool. He had to appear sad, but at the same time, not to broken up. “What’s it look like, Brian. I’m packing,” he said simply, tone matter-of-fact.

 

Brian rose from the couch and moved to the center of the room. He leaned against one of the pillars, glass of Beam in hand. “Going somewhere, Sunshine?” he asked, eyes guarded, tone mocking.

 

Justin turned away briefly, fighting the bile that rose as he prepared to do this. Turning back with an apologetic smile, Justin shrugged his shoulders, fighting to keep his eyes locked with Brian’s. “Brian, this has been great, but it’s not working anymore,” Justin winced internally as the older man’s eyes narrowed.

 

“What’s been great, Sunshine,” he dared Justin, body already stiff and stance aggressive. This was more fire than Justin had seen Brian display in weeks.

 

Justin sighed but didn’t take the bait. “This used to be fun, Brian. You used to be fun.” Justin knew that would enrage the other man, making him more likely to buy this. Justin continued, knowing what he said next would kill any feelings Brian had for him. “I’ve got tuition due for next semester and now you can’t pay that. Plus I miss going out, having take-out all the time. Hell, we never even go to the diner anymore.” Justin rushed on, if he paused, he would never get this finished. “No offense, but you used to take better care of yourself. You have let yourself go. I think,” Justin swallowed. “That I need to focus on finding someone who can help me reach my goals, and since you lost your job, that’s not you anymore.”

 

Silence built between them, and Justin tensed, waiting for the explosion. But it was a lot quieter than he thought it would be. Brian just stared at him, disbelief in his eyes, then raw hurt; that had Justin biting his lip to prevent the cry that wanted to escape. Justin couldn’t stop the violent flinch he gave as Brian threw his glass of liquor at the wall, shattering the glass, sending the brown liquid flying.

 

He said so softly that Justin almost didn’t hear him. “Get out.” Justin just stood there. Now that it had been done, he was frozen, unable to believe that he had done this to Brian.

 

Suddenly Brian stormed towards him and Justin flinched. But Brian only reached down for Justin’s bag and with the other hand he grabbed Justin by the arm, dragging him towards the loft door. He let go briefly to slide the heavy door open, then gave Justin a shove through the opening. “Get the fuck out Justin, and don’t you ever come back,” Brian whispered, his tone at odds with the fury in his eyes.

 

Justin stared at the closed loft door, his body shaking, ears still ringing with the sounds of shattering glass. He had done it. Now he just had to live with the consequences.


	5. Chapter 5

Standing on the outside with his face pressed to the glass looking in was harder than Justin ever imagined. Especially, when he had once been one of the privileged few allowed on the inside. As he watched the expensively dressed men and women mingle in the former Liberty Bath’s, Justin allowed himself a grim smile. Brian had done it. Kinnetic was a success. He watched as Brian smoothly moved through the crowd of influential business leaders of Pittsburg. Dressed in classic Armani, he fit.

 

With Debbie’s unknowing help, Justin had cut himself from Brian’s life with surgical precision. He had gotten a job on campus and gradually over the last few months, he weaned himself from the family and the diner. Oh, he still kept in touch with Debbie, Vic, the girls and Gus, but always choosing times when he knew he wouldn’t run into Brian and the guys.

 

Emmett hadn’t been placated so easily, he had demanded an explanation. Justin had said only that it had been a mutual decision for him and Brian to split. The girls were given the same story. Justin had been very surprised that Brian had said nothing to Michael, but there had been no repercussions, dirty looks, or accusations. Brian had kept to himself what Justin had done.

 

Now here he was, watching Brian celebrate his return to the top. Justin smiled softly. Brian looked so beautiful. Looking at him now like this, a success, made all Justin’s pain worth it. Those first few months Justin hadn’t been so sure he would survive. The guilt and pain had eaten away at him, added to that, the almost physical ache that had gripped him at the loss of Brian.

 

Justin had returned to his stalking ways, but this time he had hidden in the shadows; watching from afar as Brian had rebuilt his life. Justin cast one more wistful glance through the window before he hunkered down and shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and walked away.

 

Justin headed to the diner. With all the family at Kinnetic’s opening, it was free of them and thus safe for Justin. He had avoided Liberty Avenue the last month or so, and as he walked along, the comfort of familiarity and belonging made him miss it more than he had realized. The diner wasn’t very busy. It was an odd time of night, after dinner but before the club closing crunch that packed the diner. Justin took a back booth, facing the windows so he could watch the passing people.

 

“Hey Kikki,” he greeted the diner’s colorful waitress.

 

“Hi babe, haven’t seen you around lately,” Kikki sat a coke in front of Justin without being asked. “Doing okay?” she asked.

 

“Fine,” Justin answered, smiling absently.

 

“You want something to eat, sweetie?” At Justin’s nod no, Kikki picked up the menu. “Be right back,” she said, heading for a couple of guys who had just come in, leaving behind the heavy scent of her perfume.

 

Justin looked down, shredding the paper from his straw until the table was covered with tiny white pieces of paper.

 

“You did good Sunshine.” Debbie said as she sat across from the stunned boy.

 

“Deb!” was all Justin could say, stunned and gaping at the red-haired woman. “W-what are you doing here?” he stammered.

 

“I saw you. Looking through the window,” she said.

 

“What?” she demanded, shaking a finger at him.

 

“You think I wouldn’t notice that bright head of yours?” she asked, a gentle reprimand in her tone.

 

Justin blanched. “Did anyone else see me?” he asked, dread in his voice.

 

Debbie studied Justin a moment before answering. “By anyone, don’t you mean Brian?” she stated it more than asked.

 

Justin looked down, unable to meet her eyes. He should have known he couldn’t fool her for long, if he ever did. “Debbie,” he started, but she waved a hand at him, cutting his words off.

 

Debbie reached out and grasped one of his hands in hers, squeezing it, she brought his gaze back to hers. “Save it Sunshine. I know you did something. I’m not asking for the details, not even sure I want to know,” she shook her head ruefully. “But don’t insult my intelligence. Brian Kinney didn’t suddenly wake-up one day out of that funk he was in and decide to start his own fucking company. No, all I want to know is was it worth it, whatever you did?”

 

Justin blinked back tears. Besides Daphne, he had told no one of that night and what he had said to Brian, how he had pushed Brian off a cliff to get the man back on his feet. He had always thought Debbie took his leaving the diner and distancing himself from the family too easily. He should have known he couldn’t fool his “mom” she knew her boys a little too well. He smiled through the pain.

 

“You saw him, Deb. He’s a big fucking success,” Justin sighed, and gently removed his hand from hers. He stood and placed a kiss on her cheek. “That is worth any price,” he said, smiling his sunshine smile softly before he left.

 

He didn’t see the hazel eyes that watched him leave, or see Brian enter the diner and take his empty seat across from Debbie.

 

“Tell me,” Brian ordered, and Debbie began to speak...


	6. Chapter 6

The silence had built for several moments before Debbie finally broke. “Well, don’t you have anything to say? What the fuck are you going to do about this mess?” Debbie demanded.

 

Brian ignored the outraged redhead across from him and calmly, at least on the outside, stirred his coffee. “Do?” he asked. “Why the fuck do I have to do anything?” He waited for the explosion.

 

“Fix this!” Deb hissed, sitting back in the booth in a huff.

 

Brian smirked, tongue firmly tucked in cheek. “You know, Deb,” he began, tone conversational and with just enough of a mocking edge to raise the hairs along the back of Deb’s neck. “I must say, I’m shocked and appalled that you let little Sunshine escape the family fold so easily.” He fought to hide his grin as Deb sputtered and glared.

 

Debbie leaned forward, invading Brian’s space. “I didn’t let him distance himself from the family asshole! You were supposed to figure it out long before now,” Deb shook one long red-tinted nail in Brian’s face, happy to replace the smirk with a scowl.

 

Looking at his face, the unhappiness he couldn’t hide from her showed. After all these years she could read him, despite his best efforts. Debbie softened her tone and approach. She patted his hand. “You going to tell me what he did?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

 

Brian’s face went blank. “What makes you so sure he did anything?” he replied, voice casual and bored.

 

Debbie let out a snort of disbelief. She got up from the booth and stood at the table, looking down at Brian. “You expect me to believe that you all by your lonesome pulled yourself out of that fucking self-pity party for one you were holding? Ha!” she laughed. Reaching out she grasped his chin and forced his face back to hers. She smiled down at her pissed off boy. “He learned it from the best that’s all I got to say. This was a manipulation worthy of the master, and that’s you.” Deb’s smile faded and once more Brian was treated to the threatening finger. “Now you fucking fix this, and bring Sunshine home!” she warned.

 

Debbie stood there waiting. Brian looked down at the table. For a split second, Deb could see an unusual flash of insecurity cross his face.

 

Brian looked back up at her, face once more unreadable. “Yes, well, I might need a little assistance with that,” he softly said, and Debbie sat back down.

 

*********

 

Justin handed his Professor his last assignment of the semester. Silently, he hoped that he would be here next semester, attending school. No brilliant ideas had come to him and the bill for classes had already arrived. The best he had been able to do was to apply for financial aid and he was still waiting to hear about that. School, over the past months, had proven a most welcome diversion. Despite his lack of sleep and any real appetite, Justin knew he had done well.

 

Casting one last glance at the PIFA building, Justin started towards his bus stop, flipping open his ringing phone. Glancing at the display, and forcing a light tone, he answered. “Hey Deb,” he said.

 

“Sunshine!” Deb exclaimed, and at the older women’s voice, Justin did manage a small real smile.

 

He quickly frowned however at her next words.

 

“Listen sweetie, I hate to ask but I need a really big favor.” Deb’s words were hurried and Justin could hear the diner’s hustle in the background.

 

There was only one answer he could make and he knew it. “Of course, what can I do, Deb?” Refusing to help his surrogate mom was not an option.

 

He could hear the sigh of relief in her voice. “Today was the last day of your classes, right?” she asked, and Justin’s stomach tightened in dread.

 

“Hum, yes,” he mumbled.

 

Deb rushed on. “Well, Bobbie, the new waiter I hired to replace you, he up and quit today, Sunshine, leaving me with no notice. I hate to ask sweetie, but I’m really in a bind here.” Deb’s tone was regretful and Justin already knew he was sunk.

 

“I’ll be right there, Deb,” he said, picking up his pace as his bus approached. Justin sat gratefully in his seat, leaning his forehead against the bus’ window, he closed his eyes. He was in trouble. He went straight to the diner, bypassing his usual stop to get there. How was he going to work back at the diner and keep it together? Of course, the diner was packed, and he immediately grabbed an apron and pad and started pitching in. He helped Debbie with the crowd until it petered out. Thanking him, Deb asked him to come back to work tomorrow. She was pleading, and Justin couldn’t say no.

 

*********

 

Daphne looked up as Justin came in the door, dropping his things on the floor at his feet. One look at his face and she knew something bad was up.

 

“What’s wrong, Justin?” she demanded.

 

Justin fell onto the futon, lying down; he put his head on Daphne’s leg. “I’m working at the diner again. Deb called today. One of the waiters quit on her with no notice and she needs me. I went to talk to her and ended up helping out, that’s why I am so late. I start back first thing in the morning,” he replied gloomily, face pinched with nerves.

 

And all she could do was say, “Oh no,” and run her fingers soothingly through Justin’s hair.

 

*********

 

The enthusiastic welcome back by the diner’s regulars helped Justin get through the morning. He was flattered, and the tips would certainly help, but none of that did anything to still the sickness churning in his stomach. The fast pace of the breakfast crowd helped and prevented him from fleeing the diner, despite the overwhelming desire he had to run. So when the bell rang and the first of the gang arrived, Justin was somehow able to focus on the table’s order he was taking.

 

He heard the squeal behind him. “Baby!” and smiled over his shoulder as Emmett hugged him from behind, placing a noisy kiss on Justin’s cheek. “Welcome back babe,” Emmett whispered in his ear before moving to the gang’s regular booth. Justin smiled apologetically at the table in front of him and finished taking their order.

 

Luckily, when Ted and Michael came in he was in the kitchen, and he only offered a small smile when he sat four waters down on their table. He felt him when he entered the diner. Justin didn’t need the bell to announce Brian’s presence to him. He didn’t look up or stutter in what he was doing, but it took everything, especially, when he heard Brian’s voice.

 

Justin went to the order window, his back to the room. He closed his eyes tightly and took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for seeing him again. His voice was pleasant, but not that different than what you would hear from any other waiter. “Morning guys, what can I get you?” Justin stood straight, pen posed and ready. He could feel the weight of the hazel eyes examine him. He couldn’t have been prouder of himself. Justin met each of the gang’s eyes as he took their orders, even the unreadable ones.

 

“Be right back,” he said, smiling briefly before turning away to turn the order in. Justin grabbed the full coffee pot, coming back and filling all their cups, thankful that his hand did not shake. He glanced up, startled at Brian’s voice.

 

“Just leave the pot, Sunshine.” Blue eyes locked with hazel both blank. Justin just nodded. He didn’t see the glances exchanged, the guys looking from him to Brian and back again, all he could focus on was moving forward and walking away.

 

Justin’s breath left him in a whoosh of relief as he watched him leave. Brian didn’t glance back and Justin’s hand shook now as he pocketed the twenty left on the table. It hadn’t gone too bad he thought, but he ached anyway. Brian had looked so good, and Justin missed him.

 

*********

 

Brian stood out of sight, looking in the diner’s windows, watching Justin move about the room. He felt a jolt of relief that the blond was finally back within reach. Let the games begin, he thought, and his lips curled in a smirk…


	7. Chapter 7

Brian slowed down as he drove past the diner. It only took one glance in to spot the bright golden head, and with a smile he picked up his cell.

 

 

“Hey Mikey,” he drawled as the other end of the call was answered. “Let’s meet at the diner before Babylon. I missed lunch.” Brian ended the call, and headed to the loft. He needed to look fabulous tonight.

 

 

*~*

 

Justin counted his tips and sighed gratefully. One good thing about coming back to the diner, the tips were as great as before and helped a lot with his expenses. It had been tough juggling his half of the rent, food, books, and art supplies on what he had made at the campus book store. He separated some of the money and placed it in a different pocket than the rest. Over the last few months he had been depositing money in a savings account with high interest. It was to pay back the loan to Brian for school. The rest of his earnings should be enough for him to squeak by, provided he got his student loans for school.

 

 

Justin had been picking up any and all available shifts, and he had kept some hours at the bookstore. With classes over he planned to work every minute of spare time he could muster. He had refused to go running to his mom for help. Returning to Debbie’s had not been an option either. Staying at Daphne’s wasn’t ideal. The apartment was really too small for the two of them, but it was a hell of a lot cheaper than some of his other options.

 

 

The thing about what he had said to Brian all those months ago was that Justin carried around a very real and secret shame. Brian had provided for him. He had grown accustomed to the food, clothes, cd’s, books, and going out, all of which Brian had always paid for. It was a very humbling experience for Justin to realize that he had claimed to be looking for a sugar-daddy after Brian lost his job, only to come to the conclusion that he had been treating Brian like one all along. Now, Justin was determined to make it on his own.

 

 

 

 

Justin looked up at the clock over the counter. Good, he thought, only an hour left of his shift! He was on this way to the back, tub loaded up with dirty dishes when the bell chimed. He mentally groaned as Michael, Emmett, and Ted walked in, dressed for their night at Babylon, and he knew, Brian couldn’t be far behind. He’d thought this shift was safe. The guys never came in before clubbing, always after!

 

 

Justin planted a fake smile on and went to get their orders. However, the smile slipped from his face when Brian entered the diner. Justin felt a flash of heat in his gut. Brian looked good! Tight black jeans cupped his package, highlighting it in great detail; a sleeveless black silk shirt was untucked with only one button done-up, allowing the viewer peeks of cinnamon colored nipples and toned shoulders. Justin surpassed a shiver as the other man moved passed him to take a seat next to Michael. He took a deep breath, the scent of Brian’s expensive cologne making him light-headed. Justin was a bit numb as he took their order, making no note of the smirk on Brian’s lips.

 

 

That’s what he blamed it on anyway; not hearing their conversation or that he was the topic. It was Brian’s, “Oh, Sunshine is too good to associate with us peons.” His head jerked up and he stared in shock at Brian, “What?” he stammered, frowning at Brian’s mocking face.

 

 

Brian leaned back, arms spread across the back of the booth. He smirked up at Justin. “Emmett was asking why he hadn’t seen you at Babylon or Woody’s lately.”

 

 

Justin flushed. “I’m sorry Em, I have just been busy with school and work,” he gave a small smile and started to move away from the table, hoping that explanation was enough.

 

 

But before he could get more than a few feet away, Brian spoke again. “Well, schools out now, so you can make the Queen happy and join us tonight.”

 

 

Brian didn’t look at Justin when he said this, so he missed the surprise on Justin’s face, but Emmett’s squeal made it impossible for Justin to resist, even though, he really couldn’t afford to blow the money. He had missed dancing his cares away, letting the thumpa-thumpa of Babylon take him away from it all, even if it was only for a night. He looked at the hazel eyed man, could he handle seeing Brian trick all night?

 

 

Stiffening his shoulders, he smiled at Em. “Sure, I’ll join you guys after my shift,” his smile grew at his friend’s happiness. He had missed them. Brian made no other comments and Justin breathed easier when the guys left, only reminding Justin to meet them later.

 

 

*~*

 

Justin glanced down at his attire, wishing he had worn something a little clubbier, the faded jeans and plain blue T had been chosen for comfort not attracting attention. He returned the bouncers smile, bypassing the line and pulling out his wallet.

 

 

“Hey, Justin, Brian already took care of your cover, go on in,” the bouncer said, holding the rope up for the blond. Justin’s smile slipped, but he mumbled his thanks and went in.

 

 

The music, smoke, and crowds assaulted him right away. Stopping right inside the room, taking it all in, he felt his blood pump a little faster, and his body began to sway and hum to the beat of the music. He could deny it all he wanted, but he had missed this place. He moved through the crowd, ignoring the glancing caresses and headed for the bar. Justin didn’t see Brian, but that wasn’t much of a surprise, first blowjob of the evening was Brian’s usual priority.

 

 

“Hey,” he said bumping hips lightly with Emmett.

 

 

“Baby!” Em greeted, drawing the blond into a long hug. “I have been waiting for you forever,” he gushed. Ted just smiled and handed Justin a beer.

 

 

"Hi, Michael, Ted,” Justin greeted, and nodded his thanks for the drink. The four stood there exchanging gossip and comments on the various degrees of fashion disasters of the crowd. Even Michael was pleasant. Justin wondered if Brian had said something to him about Justin’s absence from the family. It wasn’t long before Emmett pulled them to the dance floor, and Justin almost immediately lost himself in the beat. Justin closed his eyes, hips swaying, and head upturned so the flashing lights could play across his features. He stayed within the circle of his friends, safe and free to let his senses go.

 

 

Justin felt the air around him change, and the brush of a warm body close to his own. The smell of cigarettes, alcohol, and sex was strong, and he opened his eyes, locking gazes with a pair of amused hazel ones. They stared at each other, not saying anything, just a silent battle going on between them, eyes inflicting wounds too deep for the others to see. They missed the uneasy glances the guys exchanged, and their eyes only broke away when Ted’s loud, “Let’s get a drink,” was shouted at them. Justin paled and looked nervously away. This was a mistake, was all he could think, and he followed the others mutely from the dance floor.

 

 

Justin stood a back and looked away as Brian leaned across the bar giving the bartender his order. He looked up in surprise when a glass was held under his nose. Meeting Brian’s gaze, he flushed and whispered his thanks, but Brian just grinned. “Thought you could use a drink, Sunshine,” he replied before handing out shots to the others.

 

 

Justin started getting pissed. First Brian pays his cover charge. Now he is buying him drinks! “Brian,” he yelled, touching the older man for the first time in months.

 

 

Brian turned back to him, a small smile on his face. He said nothing, only raised a brow in response to Justin’s obvious anger. Justin tried to thrust the drink back in Brian’s hands, “I don’t need you to buy me drinks or pay my cover,” he shouted to be heard over the noise of the club.

 

 

Brian took the drink and with an amused quirk of his lips he threw back the shot. He leaned down, right into Justin’s face. The smell of the shot hit Justin first, and then Brian’s words registered. “What! You found yourself a new sugar daddy already?”

 

 

Justin flinched and took a step back from Brian, but the other man wasn’t paying any attention to the blond. He was looking over Justin’s shoulder at something, a smile Justin recognized quite well dancing across his lips. Justin knew what he’d see, but he glanced back anyway at the tall, dark, trick that had been eyeing Brian for some time. Justin turned back around only to find Brian watching him. Something flashed in his eyes, but it was gone before Justin could figure it out.

 

 

“Think he wants me for my money, or my dick, Sunshine?” Brian handed Justin the empty glass and with a brush of their arms as he walked passed, Brian went to claim the trick.

 

 

Justin blinked his eyes, frantically. He would not cry over Brian, not again. He sat the glass back atop the bar and ignoring the guys curious glances, he turned and left.


	8. Chapter 8

“Well, what did you expect?” Daphne demanded, staring at Justin with no trace of sympathy on her face. 

 

All Justin could do was gape at her with his mouth hanging open. He had come to his best friend expecting understanding, but that sure as hell wasn’t what he was getting. He had spent the past hour in true drama princess fashion, pacing about the room, arms flaring, telling her of Brian’s actions and words at Babylon. “Daphne!” he exclaimed. He could hear the whine in his own voice. 

 

Daphne grabbed his arm, pulling him down next to her on the sofa. “No, Justin, seriously, what did you expect. I told you after you went through with your asinine plan that it was a mistake. But oh no, you had to go and push him off a ‘Justin cliff.’ You hit Brian in his most vulnerable spot. Of course, he was going to lash out.”

 

At Justin’s blank look, she rolled her eyes. “His pride, you idiot,” she said, smacking him on the leg. Justin didn’t say anything, but he couldn’t meet her gaze. “Justin,” she said sternly, making him turn back to her. “You hurt him, no matter your intentions, and worse yet, you hurt his pride.”

 

“So what do I do now?” he asked, bending down to bury his face in his hands.

 

Daphne didn’t answer right away. Instead, she got up and went into the kitchen. Returning, she thrust a beer into Justin’s hands, setting her own down beside them on the floor. “I know you don’t want to hear this. But you could go and confess, then beg for mercy,” she offered.

 

Justin turned and grinned at her. “On my knees? Anything else I should do while I’m down there?”

 

Daphne laughed and nudged him with her shoulder. “Hey what ever works,” she laughed and Justin joined her. The pair fell back on the couch, giggling like the teenagers they were.

 

*~*

 

The trip to Babylon seemed to signal the end of avoidance as far as Brian was concerned. Every day for lunch, Justin was forced into close proximity with his former lover as he waited on him and the guys. Of course, it didn’t help his heart or cock for that matter that Brian always looked and smelled like a million bucks. Justin would be so hard by the time Brian left, that a quick trip to the bathroom looked awful tempting.

 

Brian never said anything other than his usual no mayo reminder, but it killed Justin to be that close, yet not as close as he desired. He had thought distancing himself from Brian’s life the hardest part, but being near Brian and still on the outside was even harder.

 

On top of all that, Justin’s financial situation became worse. The letter was waiting for him when he got home from his shift. Sitting there innocently, Financial Aid office stamped officially on the front. Justin dropped his satchel and nervously picked up the envelope. Ripping it open he read, and had to blink back tears at its content. Shit ‘he thought,’ now what the hell was he going to do? They had denied him aid, based on parental income. Justin was glad he had the apartment to himself; he didn’t want to have to explain to Daphne what was going on. She knew nothing of his money troubles.

 

Justin spent the rest of the day going over his options, but no matter how many times he crunched the numbers, there was still no way he could afford his tuition next semester. He allowed himself a few minutes of self-pity. If he cut his expenses, drastically, and worked every available shift, there might be a chance he could go back to school next year. Now, what to get rid off? He knew one way he could save money each month, but the very idea made him too sick to his stomach. He didn’t want to go back and live with his mom. However, if his calculations were correct, he could save three hundred a month. His cell phone could go, and he could look for another part-time job. Justin just couldn’t be sure that after all that, it would be enough.

 

He said nothing to Daphne, and if his best friend noticed his demeanor, she chalked it up to his heartache over Brian. Justin was able to pick up another two shifts, and thankfully, Debbie said little, only patted his shoulder and said, “Sure Sunshine.” For the most part over the next week, Justin was able to muddle through. He still hadn’t talked to his mom, naively believing maybe that some miracle would occur. The guys pretty much left him alone. Em did ask if he was feeling all right, but Justin was able to blame work and that seemed to satisfy his friend.

 

Justin could feel Brian’s eyes on him several times, but the auburn haired man said nothing, only smiled and looked away when Justin would catch his gaze. Justin didn’t know what to expect from Brian. He had thought he would be the recipient of more cutting barbs, but the hazel eyes just seemed to be waiting for something. What, Justin had no idea.

 

Justin dragged himself home after a double-shift. He desperately wanted a shower. He could feel the grease on his skin and still smell the aroma of diner fires. “Hey, Daph,” he greeted, dropping his stuff and immediately heading to the bathroom.

 

“Justin,” Daphne called, halting the blond before he could get through the bathroom door.

 

Justin peeked back around the corner. “What? I really need a shower.”

 

Daphne held out an envelope. “This came from the Bursar’s office. Thought you’d want to open it right away, could be your financial aid stuff.”

 

Justin reluctantly took the letter. He still hadn’t told her that he had been denied aid, so this was probably just a bill, a bill he had not hopes of being able to pay. Now it looked like he would have to come clean. “Yea,” he said unenthusiastically opening the letter. 

 

He stood there stunned, unable to comprehend what he was reading. Justin shook his head and held the letter out to Daphne. “My tuition, it’s been paid.” Justin’s voice shook and he sat down heavily next to Daphne. 

 

Daphne had snatched the letter, pouring over it; she looked over at Justin, a question in her eyes. “It doesn’t say who paid it.” She scouted closer and wrapped an arm around her stunned friend. “Who do you think it was?” she softly asked. 

 

Justin looked at her, dread on his face. “Well, there is one way to find out.” Justin rose and went to the phone. 

 

Daphne listened to the ‘yes, no, and thank you’ curiosity about to kill her! “Well?” she demanded as soon as Justin hung up the phone. 

 

Justin turned back around, his face pale. “It was Brian.”


	9. Chapter 9

__

_On these white cliffs, that calm above the flood_

_Uplift their shadowing heads, and, at their feet,_

_Scarce hear the surge that has for ages beat,_

_Sure many a lonely wanderer has stood;_

_And whilst the lifted murmur met his ear,_

_And o'er the distant billows the still eve_

_Sailed slow, has thought of all his heart must leave_

_Tomorrow; of the friends he loved most dear;_

_Of social scenes, from which he wept to part;_

_But if, like me, he knew how fruitless all_

_The thoughts that would full fain the past recall,_

_Soon would he quell the risings of his heart,_

_And brave the wild winds and unhearing tide,_

_The world his country, and his God his guide.[1]_

 

 

The loft door had never looked more imposing, not even when he had been a scared 17 year old virgin. Justin wiped nervous, damp palms on his black pants. Taking a deep breath, he knocked lightly on the door. 

 

He had seen Brian’s jeep in its usual spot so he knew the older man was home, but was he alone? That was the question. Not hearing anything, Justin took a chance and slid back the heavy metal door, peeking in the dim interior, he hesitated. 

 

“You plan on coming in?” Brian’s voice rang out, coming from the direction of the living room.

 

But still, Justin hedged, only entering a couple of steps and trying to pierce the dimness to see if anyone else was there. 

 

“If you’re looking for someone there’s no one else here.” Brian’s voice was flat and the older man did not take his eyes off the TV screen where Justin could see Brando and some actress in an embrace. 

 

Justin moved closer to where Brian sat, still attired in his dress shirt and tie, but barefoot with his legs stretched out in front of him. Justin couldn’t resist the sarcastic tone as he leaned against the sofa, eyes still trained on Brian. 

 

“For a change,” he said and his gaze fell on the table in front of Brian’s chair. “Is that a new coffee table?” Justin asked. 

 

Brian’s gaze shot to Justin for just a second before his attention dropped to his new purchase, a small smile playing about his mouth. “Mies Van Der Rohe,” was all he said. 

 

Justin eyed the slick design. “Hum, must have cost a fortune,” he hedged, anything but bring up the real reason for his visit. 

 

“Yep,” Brian replied and Justin watched as he crossed his feet, placing them casually on the expensive table. Both of them had been speaking in low tones with the soft background of the movie giving the room an intimate feel, and Justin hated to break the quiet mood Brian seemed to be enjoying. He couldn’t remember the last time he had come into the loft to find Brian relaxing to something as simple as an old movie. 

 

The silence built between them as both turned their attention to the TV, but neither was really concentrating on what Brando was saying. Finally, Justin blurted out. 

 

“I went by the bursar’s office today. I can’t accept it,” he said flatly.

 

Brian did not look away from the screen. “What?” he asked, voice deliberately distracted. 

 

Justin fought to keep the rising anger from his voice. “Tuition,” he said simply. 

 

Justin wasn’t fooled for one second by Brian’s brush-off unconcerned manner, but that the other man would even play with Justin about something as serious as his education hurt, and under that hurt, was shame. Justin couldn’t help but ache, standing here in his former home with his former lover, a lover that was still taking care of him, whatever Brian’s reasons. 

 

Again, Brian wouldn’t look at Justin, just kept watching his movie. “Oh that. Why did someone else cover you?” he asked Justin. 

 

And Justin shook his head before swallowing and forcing out a “No.” He could still feel the embarrassment and disappointment he had felt leaving Craig’s house after practically begging his father to reconsider helping him with school. Now this! ‘Brian’ wasn’t helping matters. Shit! He needed to get out of here. 

 

Justin’s gaze dropped to the back of the sofa, his fingers nervously playing along the smooth leather there. He didn’t notice Brian’s rising or coming to stand right next to him. It was only when his eyes caught the flash of bare toes that his eyes shot up to lock onto furious hazel ones. Justin flinched and looked away, unable to meet Brian’s stare. 

 

“We’re not together anymore,” he whispered, Brian’s close proximity unnerving him. 

 

His flinch seemed to have pissed Brian off because then he hissed and leaned down into Justin’s face, his words designed to demean and cut. 

 

“What Sunshine, you find someone else willing to pay to plow that tight little ass of yours?” Brian smirked. 

 

Justin’s eyes shot up to stare into Brian’s, unable to hide the shock or hurt at Brian’s accusations. He tried to move back, to put some space between them, but he was trapped by the sofa at his back and Brian’s unmoving form in front of him. He couldn’t help the brief flash of panic that gripped him and he tensed, his body locking, every muscle clenched to brace himself for the next blow of words. 

 

Brian’s breath floated across his face and the older man spoke again. 

 

“What did you charge them? Let’s see – your plump, red, lips, wrapped around their cock, sucking them off, swallowing everything they got, wanting more. What’s that worth, huh, a trip to Babylon, a night out with drinks?” 

 

Justin felt like he had been punched in the stomach. “Fuck you, Brian!” Justin shoved Brian sharply back and before the other man could stumble back toward him, he rushed to the loft door. 

 

But Brian recovered quickly and followed, slamming a hand against the door, preventing Justin from opening it. He pressed heavily against Justin’s back, pinning him in place. 

 

“Oh no, Sunshine, you’re not going anywhere. I’ve paid your tuition that should entitle me to an all night fuck at least.” Brian’s hot breath raised the hair along the back of Justin’s neck and he shuddered. 

 

Justin trembled and his breath hitched. He held still, blinking his eyes rapidly to fight back tears. He wouldn’t cry like some silly little faggot, but he couldn’t stop the whisper heavy with a plea, “Stop Brian,” he hung his head, laying his forehead against the cold metal door. 

 

Brian’s arms came around him, wrapping him tightly back against the older man’s chest. Brian rocked Justin tenderly, his head resting against the top of Justin’s blond head. 

 

“You little shit,” Brian whispered, the anger gone from his voice. “Didn’t think I’d figure out your grand gesture, did you?” Brian asked, not really giving Justin time to answer before he spun him around and kissed him.


	10. Chapter 10

He couldn’t believe how much he had missed this. The feel of Brian’s lips, the taste of his mouth and tongue, the sharp nip of his teeth on Justin’s bottom lip all felt so good. But there was desperation to their kiss that spoke of too much time apart and too much hurt to make it anything but rough and urgent. 

 

Justin could only grab handfuls of Brian’s hair and hang on. He tried to return the kiss, tried to roll his tongue around Brian’s, tried to keep up with the kiss, but Brian wouldn’t let him. He dominated Justin’s mouth, swiping in with his tongue to taste every inch of his mouth, arms wrapped tight around Justin’s smaller frame. 

 

Justin grunted as his back hit one of the support beams near the door. His body was on fire, but still he felt a shiver shake his frame as Brian’s lips and teeth left his mouth and traveled down his neck, leaving behind red bites and marks on Justin’s fair skin. He couldn’t get enough breath in his lungs, nor could he do anything but lift his arms as Brian swept his shirt up and over his head. His cock was rock-hard and pressed painfully against the zipper of his pants. 

 

Justin moaned and his head fell back to rest against the beam. Brian was licking and sucking on first one nipple then switching to its mate, back and forth, and Justin was afraid he was going to cum just from Brian sucking on his nipples. Justin’s hands came to rest on Brian’s cloth covered shoulders; his fingers kneaded the covered flesh urgently. He plucked at the material, wanting to touch bare flesh, and as if he heard the need, Brian broke away to quickly pull his own shirt off. 

 

Not a sound did Brian make and the loft was silent with only Justin’s erratic breathing breaking the quiet. When Brian did return, he didn’t touch Justin again but he opened his eyes. Brian’s hazel eyes were black, and Justin couldn’t look away. He licked his lips, his eyes finally dropping to watch as Brian’s graceful fingers, unzipped and lowered his jeans. Justin’s mouth watered as Brian’s cock came into view, hard and almost flat against the older man’s stomach. He had missed Brian’s body. 

 

His eyes returned to Brian’s hands, watching them, mesmerized as they came closer. He sucked in a breath at the touch of Brian’s bare fingers against his stomach, and he obediently stepped out of his pants as Brian pulled them along with his underwear off. It didn’t matter that Brian had seen his body, often and intimately, and in every imaginable position; Justin still couldn’t control the nervous flutter in his stomach or the sudden dampness of his palms. They had fucked countless times, but this felt different, more than a reunification, more like the first time they had been together after the bashing, but Brian didn’t have any of that hesitancy or gentleness in his eyes now. 

 

They were both hard, both dripping, no more foreplay was needed. 

 

“Turn around, Justin,” Brian’s voice was hoarse and his tone thick. 

 

Wordlessly, Justin turned, laying his flushed face against the cool metal of the beam. His knees trembled as Brian ran a finger down his spine, and he moaned as a knee was thrust between his legs, widening his stance. 

 

“Brace yourself, this is going to be rough,” Brian’s whisper raised the hair along the back of Justin’s neck. 

 

One hand went to Justin’s hip, holding him in place. Justin felt the fingers return, but this time they were wet. Justin gasped as Brian breeched his body, the lubed fingers sliding in and out, coating his hole, another quickly joined the first and Justin thrust his hips back into them, wanting more. That seemed to be the signal Brian was waiting for, because he removed his fingers, and placing his condom covered cock at the entrance, he paused. 

 

Justin looked back to see what Brian was waiting for. He tried moving back to force the cock inside him, but Brian held his hip, preventing any movement. 

 

“Brian,” Justin pleaded. “Come one, fuck me,” he then demanded. 

 

Justin’s head fell forward and he clinched his eyes shut as Brian slowly slid into him, not stopping until his balls were flush against Justin’s cheeks. But once again, he stopped, not moving. 

 

Justin tried to move forward so he could thrust back, Brian wouldn’t allow this either. This silent struggle went on for a few seconds until finally, frustrated, Justin yelled out. “What?” 

 

Brian leaned forward, arms wrapping tight around Justin, pulling him away from the beam. His lips rested right against Justin’s ear, and he whispered, “No more cliffs, Justin, for either of us.” 

 

Justin let the half laugh, half sob choke out of him. He wrapped his arms around the ones that held him so tightly. He nodded, but said nothing. 

 

Brian eased his arms from around Justin, taking the blond’s hands; he placed them against the beam so that Justin was bracing himself against the metal pillar. He pulled out slowly and just as carefully, thrust back inside. He paused again and this time, Justin said nothing, only waited for Brian’s low words. 

 

“They’re getting too hard for us to climb back out of,” were the last words Brian said before he began fucking Justin furiously, slow and tortuously rough. Then the pace grew faster and rougher. Brian had to slam each hurt word out of him into Justin. With each thrust forward, they shed the pain they were holding in.

 

“Brian!” Justin cried out, hands scrambling along the beam for purchase.

 

Justin wasn’t able to catch his breath. He could feel the sweat sliding down his back and his legs trembled, knees weak. Each thrust from Brian was followed by a harsh grunt as they tried to get closer, deeper. Justin knew he wouldn’t last, not like this. It had been too long and he wanted Brian too much. But Brian suddenly slowed his thrust, backing out until just the head penetrated Justin’s body. He let Justin draw a deep breath before he firmly pushed back in. This new angle causing the head of his cock to nudge Justin’s prostrate. 

 

Justin shouted and shook as Brian pressed and held his position then leaning over Justin’s wet back, he demanded, “Promise!” and Justin fought to answer him. 

 

“N-no more cliffs, Bri- I promis…” Justin’s voice broke and cried out as his prostrate was nudged, once, twice, and then he came, shooting all over the beam, his cock not needing to be touched.

 

He was vaguely aware of Brian’s shout behind him and he could feel the cock inside him expand as the other man came, but Justin could only slump, grateful for the support, against the beam.

 

Brian carefully pulled out, fingers griping the condom, holding it in place. He knotted it and tossed it on the floor. Slumping briefly over Justin’s frame, Brian placed a kiss on the back of his damp neck.

 

“Come on Sunshine, lets go to bed,” Brian said, lifting up and turning Justin around to face him. He briefly hugged Justin before taking his hand and leading up to the bed lit by the blue glow.

 

*~*

 

Long after Brian had fallen asleep, Justin laid, eyes trained on the older man’s face. He studied the smooth forehead, no longer furrowed with deep groves of worry. The hazel eyes were closed, but Justin had glimpsed a hint of peace in them when Brian kissed him goodnight. The mouth, those decadent red lips had just a hint of smile about them, not a sneer like the last memory Justin had. Lying there watching his peaceful face, Justin asked himself had it been worth it, and the answer was a definite yes!

 

He had promised no more cliffs, and Justin intended to keep that promise, but realistically he knew there would be other falls and stumbles. They were Brian and Justin after all, and when had it ever been a smooth and easy path for them? Would he want it any other way? He thought about the highs and lows, the pitfalls and the peaks, but Justin wouldn’t trade being with him for anything, cliffs and all…It was what held them together.

 

 

The End


End file.
